Red
Water
USA 2003. Director: Charles Robert Carner
Cast: Lou Diamond Philips, Kristy Swanson, Coolio, Jaimz Woolvett
Gangster Coolio is by his boss sent down south
to find a bag of money that some local dude has thrown into a Louisiana
river. It turns out that the money was dumped just at the same spot
as where Kristy Swanson (the original Buffy) has found natural gas with
the help of ex-husband and cajun fisherman Lou Diamond Philips. Though
neither of them expected the maneating bullshark that's also stalking
the river area (fortunately it can survive in fresh water), so all of
them are now trapped on a drilling rigg with the bloodthirsty nibbler
waiting in the water beneath them. However, Coolie (so misplaced he's
easily the best thing about the movie) doesn't intend to bring back
the money to his boss at all. Now if it wasn't for that damn fish...
All of this almost sound like it could be material for a fair Jaws rip-off. It also kicks off promising with a bikini girl dutifully eaten alive on a beach and the scene in which a tourist guide is snatched by the shark from a bridge she's crossing is undeniably fun. Though as soon as Coolio and company arrive one instead get the feeling that the shark plot is an odd afterthought, written in to pad out the original gangster plot which isn't that original either. It gets a bit better during the final reel, when the shark finally decide to attack the rigg more agressively, but it's hardly worth the wait. The dialogue is stupid and sometimes horrendous, the cinematography is amateurish, the soundtrack is filled with unsuitable and predictable music and, for those who keep track, Kristy Swanson keeps her clothes on for the whole movie.
© The Inzomniac's Movie Madness Review.