Christina's
House
Canada
1999. Director: Gavin Wilding
Cast: Allison Lange, John Savage, Brendan Fehr,
Brad Rowe
Well, it took them about two minutes. Two minutes
after the credits before the damn bimbo is naked in the bathtub. That's
two minutes of wasting time. There's nothing in this film after that
high point to keep up any further interest. It's all downhill after
that. John Savage is a father of two kids, Christina and her younger
brother, who lives in an big house outside of town while the mother
is locked up in the loony bin. At night Christina hears weird noises
from inside the house. Furniture moves around. Things disappears. Kids
from school are found dead. Spooky spooky.
Christina's House must be one of the lamest haunted house-flicks ever made and I sincerely mean that. It takes forever to get going. Nothing happens for an eternity except Christina (Lange) walking around the house in her pyjamas and when it does happen anything it's so awfully corny and idiotic you wish it hadn't. I won't unveil the surprise ending, some John Savage completists may actually want to torment themselves by watching the film to the end. But, oh how the mighty have fallen. It says a lot that Savage's tired and unengaged performance here is the by far best around. He can act in his sleep, and too often he does that, but at least he can act. One funny thing, though, is that Savage's character here seem a little too interested in his sexy daughter at times. I don't know if the script is written that way or if it's Savage who can't keep a straight face and his hands to himself, it isn't developed further, as so much else about this film. Anyway, I thought the actor had reached rock-bottom by appearing in Lucio Fulci's Door To Silence, but that film actually seem pretty decent after this Canadian shot fiasco. Appalling enough, it was apparently a big hit in both Italy and Mexico, reaching number one at the box-office in 1999. Now, that's downright scary, if nothing else...
© The Inzomniac's Movie Madness Review.